Blessed Curse
by Mink
Summary: The blessed curse binded by blood that one cannot escape...


BLESSED CURSED  
by Emily "Mink" Koh  
  
--  
  
Disclaimer: Sakura Taisen is [c] 1996-2001, Sega and Red Company.   
"Blessed Cursed" is [c] 2001, Emily "Mink" Koh (mink249@aol.com).   
Do not repost elsewhere without my consent.  
  
--  
  
My mother died so early in my life that I can't remember anything   
about her.  
  
Oh, I remember the little things. The sound of her laughter, for   
instance. Her voice was happy and cheerful -- that much, I remember.   
Almost childlike. And I remember what she smelled like -- a fresh   
scent of flowers at springtime. Lilacs? Wisteria? No... cherry   
blossoms. Like her namesake.  
  
I don't remember what she looked like, I was too young. She   
shouldn't have died when I was two. How could she do that? A   
little girl needs her mother. She should've died at a time when I   
could have had enough memories of her to treasure.  
  
Or maybe she just shouldn't have died at all. There's a nice wish.  
  
Daddy has all these photos of her. Framed sepia pictures that   
stand on various places in our house. There are a lot from when   
she was young. She's with people I recognize -- all of her friends   
and Daddy's friends; my "aunts," but all of whom I call "Mama,"   
because they acted all as my substitute mothers.  
  
I hate photos. Sure, Daddy loves them because he actually remembers   
Mommy. He'd point out to each picture and say, "I remember when,"   
or "Your mother used to." Me? I can't say that. The photos are   
frozen moments in time -- moments in time that I could've never met   
my mom. Reminding me that I would never share one "I remember when"   
moment.  
  
Even the ones that should be mine -- even though I can't remember   
them -- belong to Daddy. "Your mother used to read you 'Cinderella'   
every night before you went to bed. No other stories... you had a   
thing for Western fairy tales," he'd say. And that was not my memory,   
it was his memory, 'cause I couldn't remember her reading it to me.  
  
Nothing of my mother's was mine except our looks. Maria-mama said   
I looked a lot like Mommy: the same dark hair, the same smile.   
Sometimes, Daddy tells me that I look so much like Mommy and then   
he starts crying again.  
  
I hate having Mommy's look and making Daddy cry. Daddy never   
smiles at me too much.  
  
The only other thing that's mine from Mommy is the "curse."  
  
That's what Daddy calls it when he's angry. "The damn curse."   
Daddy doesn't break out into tempers often, but some days, he gets   
mad whenever he looks at a photo of Mommy and he ends up crying and   
mumbles something about how it's all about the "curse."  
  
Then he tells me I'm cursed too. "Just like your mother." And he   
doesn't say it accusationally -- he says it in such a sympathetic   
way, a way that I just want to hug him and tell him it's okay, there   
is no curse, 'cause I've been feeling fine ever since day one. But   
everytime he reminds himself of the curse, he gets a sad sympathetic   
look at me, ready to cry. "Don't take her away," he says. What's   
that supposed to mean?  
  
When that happens, he's pretty lifeless for a few days. And then   
I have to call either Grandma or Sumire-mama to come and help me --   
help me prepare food, help me get Daddy back into shape.  
  
Whenever Daddy's not in his "slumps," he keeps telling me that I'm   
blessed. No mention of a curse. I asked him if Mommy had the blessing   
too, and Daddy said she did. Daddy said that all of the people in   
the Shinguuji family had the blessing and since I was her daughter,   
I had it, too.  
  
"What's the blessing?" I had asked him once.  
  
My father got tears in his eyes as his response.  
  
Wondering if he didn't hear me, I asked him again.  
  
"The curse," he said. "The blessing is the curse."  
  
I never asked again. If the blessing was the curse... then the   
curse was a good thing? But... Daddy always spoke badly of it   
whenever he was in one of his bad moods. He said it took away   
Mommy's life. Maybe it was a bad curse, like something from the   
fairy tales.  
  
Once, when Sumire-mama was taking care of us, I asked her when she   
was reading me a story.   
  
"What's this curse that I have?"  
  
She stopped reading, looking up sharply. "What?"  
  
"Daddy said Mommy was cursed, and that's why she died."  
  
It was a few moments before my "aunt" responded. "Your mother did   
not have a curse," she said thickly. "You know your mother fought   
in the Teikoku Kagekidan: Hanagumi to protect Teito, right, Itsuki?"   
  
"With Daddy and you and Maria-mama and everyone else," I added.  
  
"Exactly." She smiled for a moment, and then the look flickered away.   
"Your mother died of injuries she got in war."  
  
"Injuries?" I frowned. She was evading my question -- I knew of   
the war. Daddy used to speak of it often.  
  
"There was a very big war before you were born. Evil dispersed into   
Teito." My aunt's eyes clouded at the memory. "We had an unlucky   
chance of winning, but your mother saved us all."  
  
I could've sworn that she had muttered "that fool" under her breath,   
but I didn't comment.   
  
"How did Mommy save Teito? What's the curse that took her life?"  
  
"When you are older, I will tell you -- and there is no curse,"   
Sumire-mama simply said. "And now, shall we return to Cinderella's   
exploits?"  
  
"I hate Cinderella!"  
  
That was the day I began to hate fairy tales. There was always a   
"happily ever after." But in reality, nothing like that exists.   
Fairy tales teased my life. Mocked me, made a fool out of me.   
Cinderella and her stupid fairy godmother -- unreal. Someone   
granting anything you wanted. I wish I had a fairy godmother of   
my own so I could wish Mommy back.   
  
The woman I never knew. The woman responsible for making Daddy   
cry whenever he saw me.  
  
I don't remember what happened afterward, but I think I cried the   
entire night while I was soothed by Sumire-mama. And shortly   
afterwards, whenever my other "aunts" would come and visit us, I'd   
ask them the same question: What's the curse that Mommy and I had?   
How was it a blessing?  
  
All of them escaped the question so easily. Offering me more stories   
about Mommy, feeding me valuable information of the past that they   
knew I wanted, while burying the question. Iris-oneesan and Reni-  
oneesan bought me with stories of Mommy's accidents during her actress   
career stint. Maria-mama and Kanna-mama gave me more photos to shut   
me up. Orihime-mama and Kohran-mama won me over with more memories.  
  
And then for once, someone didn't lie to me. Didn't escape my grasp.  
  
I asked Kaede-mama and Kayama-oniisan when they came to visit. I   
asked about the curse and the blessing and Kayama-oniisan looked   
very mad, and had muttered something about wringing Daddy's neck   
for putting such a bad influence on me. Midori, their daughter,   
looked around blankly and had found comfort with Shiro, our dog,   
instead of myself, her usual playmate.   
  
"What's this curse, Kaede-mama? How come no one will tell me?"  
  
"For a good reason," Kayama-oniisan was mumbling again.  
  
Then Kaede-mama said, "You got it from your mother and her family,"   
she said softly. "You know that, don't you?"  
  
"Kaede, you shouldn't be --"  
  
"Yeah, Daddy always says that."  
  
Then Kaede-mama pointed a finger at my chest. "It's inside you,   
Itsuki. Inside your heart."  
  
"... My heart?"  
  
"Your will. Your will to fight. Your will to help others."  
  
"... My will?" She had confused me thoroughly. My own will to  
do whatever... that was the curse? The will to help people... it  
was a curse? It was unclear.  
  
That was when Kaede-mama started crying, and she and Kayama-oniisan   
left me alone. Midori had given me a glare, then said haughtily,   
"You made my Mommy cry." She and I were always competitive.   
Especially over the fact that she had a mother -- something I could   
never win through a contest, something I could never get in my life.   
Our friendship was strung together by a friendly rivalry which became   
hostile when mothers came into play.  
  
"Shut up. Your mom cries too much."  
  
"Does not! Besides, at least I *have* a Mom that cries," Midori   
said smugly.  
  
I don't remember slapping her. But that's what Kaede-mama told me  
a few years later.  
  
Midori didn't care. "You're cursed. I'm not cursed. I live in a  
happy family."  
  
"Why am I cursed?"  
  
"'Cause. You're destined to help people. I can stop whenever I  
want... but you won't /ever/ have a conscience. All you want to  
do is good," she said, then paused, considering the prospect of it.  
"And that's bad. You have no say in it."  
  
And Midori let it slide into place... even though we were so much  
younger... she let it make sense.  
  
Now I know why Daddy calls it curse and a blessing. A blessing --   
Mommy was kind-hearted and loving. She saved Teito, didn't she?   
'Cause her will was to help others. And... a curse. 'Cause it   
took her life, and she couldn't fight against her will. Because   
your will is what you feel is right, isn't it?  
  
A blessed curse, Daddy. Don't be sad. The curse doesn't sound   
that bad. I wanna help people.  
  
And maybe you'll smile at me proudly, instead of crying, when you see   
Mommy in me.  
  
OWARI  
  
--  
  
AUTHOR's NOTES:  
  
My first ever "Sakura Taisen" fanfic, and done in monologue format.   
I was actually working on a light-hearted + drama series while   
working on "Cursed Blessing" when I came to this. I wanted to tell   
a darker side to the end of the 'fairy tale' that most fans like as   
Sakura/Oogami, but I didn't want to tell it in third-person, nor did   
I want it as a monologue from an ordinary character's perspective.  
  
That called for my original character: Itsuki. Apparently Sakura and   
Oogami's daughter in this fanfic. [Itsuki, just for tidbit, is my   
favorite Japanese name -- my runner-up is Midori.] I'm not going to   
say how old she is in this monologue -- I've added a sense of maturity   
while keeping the innocence by adding personal flairs like "Mommy" and   
"Daddy."   
  
Have I made Oogami a depressive guy? Yes. I felt like being cruel.  
And what other character to bash than indecisive Oogami with the   
Tenchi complex? XD [And while I'm at it, I should go beat up   
Keitaro for having a Tenchi complex, too, but... oh well. He's more  
or less misunderstood. ^_^]  
  
For those who are totally ignorant or haven't seen/heard of ST much   
yet, the real "cursed blessing" is the Haja blood from the Shinguuji   
line -- the blood that draws one to fight demons. Kaede, being Kaede, t  
ranslated that "less literally" for Itsuki.  
  
The idea for tacking the "-mama" suffixes on came more or less from   
Takeuchi Naoko's "Sailormoon" manga, particularly the S arc during volume   
14, where Hotaru addresses her "new parents" as Haruka-papa, Michiru-mama,   
etc. Iris and Reni were too young, so I kept "oneechan." And Kayama   
became simply "oniisan."  
  
I can't say I'm satisfied with this monologue -- but hey, it's my shot   
at my first ST fanfic [not to mention I'm doing it from the perspective   
of a character creation -- something I don't like to do that often].   
C&C demanded at gunpoint -- yes, that's my motto.  
  
-- Emily "Mink" Koh  
August 15, 2001 


End file.
